Three vampires walk into a bar…A suicidal widower is talked down by a mysterious, chain-smoking stranger with an ulterior motive…
A picturesque sea-side chalet harbors a disturbing secret under its serene waters…
A kindly grandmother runs a pie shop that is a gateway to time and space…
A mysterious house with a dark reputation tempts one bored little girl…
Angels, vampires, ghosts and faeries mingle with the lovelorn, the desperate, the weary and the brave in this collection of quick-fire stories from Restless Spirits author Jean Marie Bauhaus.
Available for the Kindle, Nook and other devices for only 99 cents!
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Smashwords
Ghost hunter Veronica “Ron” Wilson gets killed in the line of duty; but after she herself becomes a ghost, trapped in the house where she died, she realizes that the mystery has just begun. She and several other ghosts are being held prisoner in the house by the same sadistic spirit that killed them. Their captor likes to entertain itself by torturing its fellow ghosts, and as if that isn’t bad enough, it appears to have the ability to kill ghosts, devouring the poor souls for whom it no longer has any use. Ron’s only hope is to convince the other terrified ghosts to rally together to find a way to defeat the evil spirit so they can move on to their final rest. But Ron’s not in any hurry to get there once she discovers that there’s still a lot of living to do after death.
Available as an e-book and trade paperback.
Two more excellent questions from reader and commenter Michelle (a.k.a., The Barenaked Critic):
http://blog.jeanmariebauhaus.com/What makes [self-publishing] so fulfilling for you, personally? Would you ever want to go the traditional route with a future book?
The answer to the first question has bearing on the answer to the second, so let’s start there. In my post about the pros and cons of self-publishing, I talked about how my personality and skill-set are both well-suited to self publishing, and how my almost pathological fear and hatred of the traditional publishing submission process (in particular, writing query and cover letters) helped to drive me into the welcoming arms of indie publishing. Just the fact of getting to have my work read without having to put myself through that whole rigmarole is pretty fulfilling in and of itself. But that’s not a complete answer.
The whole truth is that I come from a fan-fiction background that completely spoiled me. I became addicted to the instant feedback nature of fanfic. I jokingly referred to myself as a praise-whore, but that’s exactly what I was. Having people read stories written by me and then tell me how touched or moved they were by it was a cause for pure elation. When I decided to hang up my fanficcer hat and concentrate on writing original fiction, the single most difficult challenge I had to overcome was getting used to the solitary nature of it, of playing everything close to the vest and not getting to know what anybody thinks of your work until it’s finished, and not getting to know what strangers think until it’s published; and at the time, when commercial publishing was still the only really viable way to go, whether or not strangers would ever be able to read my work was pretty much out of my hands.
I tried to get around this and get my instant-feedback fix without technically self-pubbing by serializing my novels in locked Livejournal posts, but it just wasn’t the same. The rise of e-book and POD technology and the growing mainstream acceptance of indie publishing changed all of that. Of course, I still have to exercise discipline and not just blog every chapter hoping for instant feedback as I go; I still have to deal with the isolation of the writing and editing phase, which, I will tell you, is HARD. But no longer is it up to agents and editors in New York whether people outside of my friends and family will have the opportunity to read my stories and tell me what they think. My stories are out there, being read and enjoyed, and whenever a new review pops up, or somebody e-mails me or contacts me through my blog or Facebook to tell me how much they enjoyed my book, it’s back to pure elation. The giddy feeling that I get when just one person tells me that they loved my book makes it all worth it, even if my royalty earnings never add up to more than the occasional pizza allowance.
As for whether I would ever go the traditional route, the short answer is, sure. I think there’s plenty of room for both, and a lot of writers are getting more savvy about combining the two, using indie publishing to build a platform that will make them more attractive to traditional agents and editors. This path is proving successful for more and more people.
My goal is not to attain the “prestige” of getting published “for real” by a traditional big time publisher. My goal, ultimately, is to get my books in front of as many eyeballs belonging to the types of people who enjoy the types of books that I write as possible. If there is ever a point where traditional publishing is the best way for me to do that, then I will absolutely pursue that route. If somehow, by the grace of God, I achieve Hocking-like success and have agents and editors approaching me with a giant book deal? Uh, yeah, I’mma certainly consider it. But even then, I think it will depend on a lot of factors, including what the traditional publishing market looks like at the time, and whether it makes the best business sense to give up some of the rights to my own work.
But all of that is down the road a ways, if it’s on my road at all. For now, I’m still a beginner at this, and my focus is on just turning out the best books that I can as fast as I can and building up my catalog. I’ve set a five-year goal for myself, which I’ll expand upon in a later post, to be earning enough from writing and indie pubbing in 5 years to be able to retire my web design business and write and publish full time. So if I’m not there in five years, or anywhere close to it, I’ll re-evaluate this path that I’ve chosen as well as the state of the publishing industry as a whole, and go from there. But for now and the foreseeable future, I only have plans to self-publish.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
In my previous post about getting over the stigma of self-publishing, commenter Michelle (a.k.a. The Barenaked Critic) asked me several good questions, one of which was to elucidate on the pros and cons of self-publishing. I think I pretty well covered the pros in my previous post: you avoid the sometimes years-long process of trying to get through the gatekeepers of traditional publishing, which often ends in rejection, often for perfectly good books that simply aren’t seen as marketable by those in charge; depending on the channels you choose to sell your book and what kind of fees they charge for the service, you get to keep anywhere from 75 to 100 percent of the royalties instead of having to give ten to 20 percent each to your agent and publisher; you never have to worry about earning out your advance, having your books remaindered, or seeing them disappear from the shelves after your publisher’s print run has run its course and they’ve moved on to other things; you have the satisfaction of having your work out there, being read and enjoyed and slowly but steadily building up your fan base; and last but absolutely not least, you have total control over your writing career.
Lest all of that sound too good to be true, there is a down side which prevents it from being right for everybody. Self-publishing takes a lot of work. You either have to learn how to be your own story editor, line editor, print formatter, cover designer and marketing and publicity agent, or you have to come up with the money to pay for those services out of your own pocket. I think self-publishing is such a good fit for me personally in no small part because I already brought to the table training and experience as both a copy editor and a graphic designer, and also a strong rapport with some trusted beta readers who are excellent at catching mistakes that I miss. To be honest, if I wasn’t confident in my own editing abilities, or in my ability to produce a professional-looking, eye-catching book cover, I probably wouldn’t have chosen this path, because there’s just no room in our budget currently for hiring out those tasks.
Another thing I bring to the table is writing experience. Restless Spirits is the first novel I published, but it is FAR from being the first novel I’ve written. Between finished trunk novels, half-finished attempts at novels, short stories, and several volumes of novel-length fan fiction, I more than put in my 10,000 hours before I reached a point where I thought my writing could stand up the kind of scrutiny under which my decision to self publish would place it. I’m not some starry-eyed young ingenue who thinks every word she puts on the page is the equivalent of candied rainbow unicorn toots and that the world just needs to wake up and smell her brilliance. I was 38 when I published my first book, and tired of and deeply discouraged by the current sorry state of traditional publishing.
I should make another confession here: I have made attempts to publish via the traditional route, but honestly, not that many. I’m impatient, I have a pathological fear of having to write cover and query letters, and I’m so prone to procrastination when it comes to submitting my work that usually I move onto another project before I ever get around to it and then it never gets done. Which is not to say that it has never gotten done — I have a nice, thick binder full of rejection letters that run the gamut from polite form letters to encouraging hand-written notes. I just hate the submission process and I, personally, would rather put in a hundred hours on editing and formatting and marketing my own work than sit down for two hours to try to craft a decent query letter and then drive myself completely insane while I wait several months for a response. In short, it should be noted that my personality is simply better suited to self-publishing.
But back on point; probably the biggest con to self-publishing, the one I see cited most often by successful traditionally published authors such as John Scalzi as the main reason why they don’t jump ship and go the indie route so they can rake in more money, is that you are completely on your own when it comes to marketing and publicity. There is no big publisher publicity machine to back you up. Although, from what I’ve read from midlist authors, these days the publicity machine is really only there for the established bestsellers, and even then, traditionally published authors are being expected to put in more and more time and work to market their own books. Just as the size of the typical new author advance has greatly diminished over the last few years, so has the amount of support a newly published author can expect from their publisher on the marketing front.
But make no mistake. Marketing your own books takes a lot of work, and it’s something you have to stay on top of if you want it to keep selling, especially in the early stages when you don’t yet have a fan-base who can be counted on to buy your next book.
Self-publishing takes a lot of self-discipline, and it also takes a lot of patience. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and the focus is on long-tail success, which might take years to achieve. It’s definitely not a path that’s suitable to everybody. But if you think it might be the right path for you, then I suggest the following blogs, which are practically required reading for anyone who’s even considering becoming self-published:
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I FINALLY read this book (seriously, y’all, sometimes I almost want to quit writing just so I’ll have more time in my life for reading, which is not easy to come by as it is). It was an enjoyable read, as always, with lots of tugging at the heart strings and wanting to give Harry a big ol’ hug. The ending was pretty much exactly what I expected, although I kept wondering throughout the book how it was going to end up there, and although unsurprising it definitely set up some interesting dynamics for the continuation of the series. I don’t really have anything to add by way of review, just some fan-girl babble that I will place behind a cut because it is somewhat spoilery and also, fan-girl babble.
Mouse, you guys! I was worried about him through the whole book, and when he finally showed up toward the end I lost it. That was the only part that brought me to full-on tears. It was exactly like on LOST when Michael and the others came back with the Tailies and Vincent was all “O HAI YOU’RE MY FAMILY AND I LOVE YOU AND I MISSED YOU AND I LOVE YOU DON’T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!” and I was all “Doggie missed his daddy waaaah!!!” Except this was even worse, because Mouse is intelligent and understands everything that’s going on and he had all of his big doggie emotions mixed up with his supernatural sense of duty and he understood that Harry wasn’t ever (as far as he knew) coming back and he had Harry’s daughter to protect and oh my goodness it’s like the toys and Andy saying goodbye in Toy Story 3 and I’m crying again right now, you guys. I just can’t take this emotional dog stuff. Or toy stuff, apparently. Phew.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
Thanks to everyone who offered feedback on the potential cover concepts for Dominion of the Damned. The general consensus was overwhelmingly in favor of the third concept, featuring a girl with a gun standing on a desolate highway, the feedback on which ranged from “least cheesy” to “awesome.” Of course, for practical and budgetary reasons I was hoping the majority would favor the second concept, which wouldn’t cost me anything to produce. But both aesthetically and conceptually I’m in agreement with the readers—I think the cover representing my protagonist is the strongest.
Now the next step is to purchase a high-res copy of the photo, which will have to wait until my next payday, and then refine the concept into something that is hopefully totally awesome and not at all cheesy—although, when you’re talking about a cover to a novel about vampires subjugating the human race in the wake of a zombie apocalypse, I have a feeling that a certain segment of the population is going to find a certain amount of cheese no matter what. And I admit that my vision of zombie hands reaching toward the girl from out of frame probably won’t do anything to decrease the cheese factor. Although that would probably be stretching beyond the limit of my Photoshop skills, so that version of the cover very well may not happen.
Feedback is also starting to come back in on the book itself, and if the consensus agrees with the first beta reader, I’m going to have a fair amount of rewriting to do before it’s ready for prime time. So, allowing for uncertainty and the fact that I ALWAYS underestimate how long stuff like this will take me to get done, we’re probably looking at a June release. Which is fine, as that gives me time not only to make the cover as awesome as I can make it, but also to get new author portraits made. Not that the old ones aren’t perfectly lovely, compositionally speaking, thanks to the EXTREME talents of my baby sister, but they were taken at an incredibly sucky time in my life, and also in the life of my hair. So a new portrait is definitely in order.
My agenda for today also includes drafting a marketing plan for the book, which I’ll share here once I get it nailed down. I didn’t have any kind of plan or do any pre-marketing for Restless Spirits, so it should be an interesting case study to see if any of that makes a difference for Dominion.
But first thing’s first, and that’s perfecting the cover. I’m sure I’ll be hitting you guys up for more feedback once I get it closer to the final version.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
Over the last few years there’s been an explosion in self-publishing, with the advent of not just the e-reader, but accessible technology that makes publishing an e-book easy, low- or no-cost, and potentially very lucrative. And it’s not just e-books, either. Gone are the days of vanity presses where an author who couldn’t get published the traditional way would have no other option but to pay thousands of dollars to buy a print run of their book and then be on their own for selling all of those copies boxed up out in the garage. Print-on-demand web sites like CreateSpace and Lulu have made print publishing as accessible as e-publishing.
And yet, perhaps because it is so accessible that literally anyone can do it, and despite the fact that more and more professional, traditionally published authors are turning to self-publishing as a means of taking charge of their careers, there’s still a sense of snobbery toward self-publishing that prevents a lot of aspiring authors from going that route. It’s this idea that being self-published isn’t really being published; it doesn’t really count without the blessing of an agent and a major New York publisher. And there’s this pervasive fear that self-publishing will be seen as “giving up” and you’ll be looked down on by your peers and by the writing and publishing industry as a whole, and you’ll give up your chances for good of being traditionally published. That fear pervades even as one self-published author after another is making headlines by getting major book deals from the major publishing companies because of their self-published books.
I know because I had to get over this fear and sense of snobbery myself, and I still see it all the time among my aspiring author friends. I would look at self-published authors who were doing well and think, “That’s great for them, but I won’t feel like a real author if I don’t get traditionally published.” Obviously, I’ve gotten past this line of thinking. So what changed?
For one thing, I watched my fellow indie author David Michael, who I know locally from NaNoWriMo meet-ups, as he began and grew his self-publishing career. His books looked professional, he was getting excellent reviews and making money, nobody appeared to be looking down on him for being self-published, and most importantly, he seemed like he was having a blast. I saw him transform from a wannabe author like me into a professional career novelist, and it was awesome.
That inspired me to give self-publishing a little more consideration, and I started doing the math. I could go the traditional route with my newest novel and send out agent queries. If I was lucky, I would hear back from one or two agents in three to six months who asked to read my novel. If I was really lucky, I’d hear back another six months after that from one of them wanting to represent my book. And if I was exceptionally blessed, I would hear back in another six months to a year that they’ve found a publisher for my book who wanted to pay me a $5,000 advance (yes, that’s the average size of advances for new authors these days; the giant, six- or seven-figure advances you hear about in the news make headlines because they’re so rare that it makes them newsworthy when they happen). And then I just have to sit back and wait another two years or so for the official release date!
But as an aside, let’s say you’re one of the very, very lucky ones who scores a $100,000 advance. Divide that over the year (or several) that you spent writing and polishing the book, the additional year or two (or three) that it took to find an agent and a publisher, and the additional two years it takes the publisher to actually publish the book… and congratulations! You’ve now made the equivalent salary of an underpaid schoolteacher.
So I could go that route, or I could try this self-publishing thing. I could cut out the middle-man and take my stories directly to the readers—something musicians and other types of artists and creatives are expected to do, with no stigma attached—and I could have them out there, getting read and building a fan-base and making money. Not a lot of money, especially in the beginning, but percentage-wise, a lot more than I’d be making per book than if I had an agent and publisher both taking their cuts. And I would only need to sell about 2,300 books at $2.99 to make the equivalent of that $5,000 beginner’s advance. And I wouldn’t have to worry about having a limited print run and a short window of time to sell enough books to earn out that advance before they all got remaindered and taken off of the shelves, because virtual store shelves never run out of space and virtually published books never go out of print.
Taking all of that into consideration, it seemed like kind of a no-brainer, and yet I was still hesitant. What gave me the final push was an epiphany I had one day when I was looking at a paperback that my husband had just gotten from Amazon. I was looking to see who had published it, and I realized that it was a self-published POD book from Xlibris. This wasn’t obvious at first glance, and I was impressed with the quality of the book. I asked my husband if he realized the book was self-published, and he said that he hadn’t realized it—nor did he care. That knowledge made absolutely no difference whatsoever to his desire to read that book, and it wouldn’t have made any difference in his decision to buy it.
That’s when I realized that the self-publishing stigma is limited mainly to aspiring writers and to those whose livelihoods are threatened by the rise of self-published books—and even among that latter group, the stigma is waning as they begin to mine self-published authors for talent in order to stay afloat. Among the vast majority of the reading and book-buying public—the people who turn books into best-sellers—the stigma doesn’t exist. They simply don’t care where a book comes from, as long as it’s a good read. Oh, sure, there are the literary snobs who turn their noses up at self-published books, but these are generally the same people who also turn their noses up at genre and commercial fiction, and they are in the vast minority. The average citizen reader couldn’t give a rat’s poop whether the book they hold in their hands came from Simon and Schuster or from CreateSpace.
And that is when I realized that the stigma shouldn’t exist for me, either, and I decided to become a self-published author; and in terms of personal gratification and career satisfaction, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
This time for Dominion. I have an opinion, but I’m going to keep it to myself for the time being.
First, the cover I originally mocked up waaay back in 2009 for NaNoWriMo (which isn’t really up for consideration–it’s just so you can see where I started from):
And now a more stylized and abstract version of the same theme:
And finally, one that puts the focus on my main protagonist:
Which one entices you the most, dear readers?
Also, thanks for all the feedback on the new Restless Spirits cover. Since opinion was divided pretty evenly over the light vs. dark versions, I went ahead and used both — the dark on the paperback and BN.com, and the light on Amazon and Smashwords. I’ll see which, if any, has the greatest impact on sales, and then go with that one across the board. That’s the beauty of e-publishing–nothing is set in stone.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
Okay, I tweaked the new cover a bit more, and I need help deciding which I like best: the daytime version or the nighttime one?
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I was recently asked how to make an e-book available on Amazon. The short answer, I said, was to go to Kindle Direct Publishing and go from there… and then I promised to write a post explaining the long answer. So here’s that post.
The first step… well, the first step is to write your book. But we’ll assume that part’s already done. So the first step toward publishing it as an e-book is proper formatting. For this, I follow the Smashwords Style Guide. It’s free, and although it’s specifically written for getting your document ready to run through their file conversion software, their guidelines also work nicely for prepping your work for conversion to the Kindle’s proprietary Mobi file format. One caveat is that it has to be a Word doc. But although this guide put’s a lot of emphasis on formatting your manuscript in Word, I used Open Office Write to format Restless Spirits and saved it as a Word doc, and that worked just fine.
Once your book is formatted, it’s ready to upload to Smashwords. This part is simple—just fill out the publication info, upload your Word doc and submit. Smashwords’ “meatgrinder” program will then do its magic and convert it into every e-book file type that there is, and automatically make it available in their store. I recommend doing this step because a) it’s free, b) it’s really simple, c) it helps your work reach a wider audience than just Amazon (Smashwords will also distribute your book to BN.com and the iTunes store), and d) you can then take advantage of Smashwords’ coupon generator to give away free promotional copies, run promotional discounts, participate in site-wide sales, etc. Really, there’s no good reason not to upload your work to Smashwords.
But to get your book on Amazon takes a few extra steps, which you can find outlined in detail in the Kindle Publishing Guide. When I published Restless Spirits last summer, I had to save my document as an HTML file and then use a free program called Mobipocket Creator to convert it to a .mobi file, and then it was ready to upload to my KDP account. But it looks like things might have changed a bit since then, so follow the guide to be sure. The first step to Kindle publishing, though, is to create your own account at Kindle Direct Publishing, click “Add New Title,” and go from there.
There’s one more marketplace you can upload your book for free, and that’s through Barnes & Noble’s PubIt web site. Of course, you can just wait and let Smashwords submit your book to BN.com, but doing it yourself through PubIt is faster, and it makes it easier to track your BN.com sales. It’s also super-easy—just fill out the information on your book and upload your Word doc, and you’re done.
A couple of things to remember before you go forth and publish: first, each marketplace has different speeds at which your book actually becomes available in their store. Smashwords tends to be fastest, taking only minutes, whereas Amazon’s vetting process typically takes two or three days before they approve your book for sale on their site.
The other thing is a word on ISBNs. Each site will assign its own ISBN (or in Amazon’s case, an ASIN) to your book at no charge. You only really need to consider purchasing your own ISBN if you want to publish the book under your own publishing imprint or, in the case of paperbacks (which are a whole ‘nother post), you want to be able to distribute it to brick and mortar book stores and libraries. For new authors especially, my advice is to take the free ISBNs; that way, unless you spend money on professional services like cover design or editing, you end up making pure profit. And you can always go back later and reprint the book under your own ISBN if the need arises.
So that’s how you publish an e-book. Any questions?
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I’m thinking of trying out a new cover to see if it has any impact on my sales. Whatcha think?
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
No, not to be the one girl in all the world with the strength and skill blah blah blah. Although that would be nifty. But it seems that we’ve been selected to become a Nielsen household.
You guys. Seriously? Why–and I ask again, WHY?!–could this not have happened a decade ago? You know, back when I was obsessed with TV? And my obsessions usually ran toward obscure SF-nal shows that were always in danger of cancellation, or simply doomed from the beginning? Why does it have to happen now, when I can take or leave most of what’s on the air and every now and then I actually seriously pondering giving up television entirely? When we don’t even have cable and most of what we watch is online, and only really use the TV to watch local programming or DVDs? WHERE WERE YOU WHEN YOU MATTERED TO MY LIFE, NIELSEN COMPANY?
Sigh.
So, we’re debating whether to do it. And if we do, we probably won’t admit it, because we don’t want to be getting obsessive e-mails from fans of bubble shows pleading with us to watch it. Although, I’m sure we could find a way to exploit that sort of thing, if we were all exploitative and stuff, but we’re not, really, so never mind. Nevertheless, it seems to require a time commitment that neither of us are really able to make. And neither of us are keen on having their tracking software hooked up to our PCs. Not that we have anything to hide, it just seems a little creepy. And if we have to fill out weekly diaries instead… like I said, who has time for that?
I was surprised to find the packet on our door informing us that we’ve been selected. They sent us a survey a few months ago, but we never got around to filling it out, and so assumed that we’d missed our chance. We still have to call the number on the card to find out exactly what’s involved and what would be required of us. Of course, phone-o-phobes that we both are, we’re debating whether even that much is worth our while. But I think we should probably call and have all the facts before we make our decision.
I just can’t get over how much this would have been a dream come true if it had happened when Joss Whedon was still doing TV.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
It’s been a while since I’ve done an update here on how Dominion of the Damned is coming along. I’m still in the first revision stage, but so far it’s going smoothly and I’m starting to gain some momentum. I’m more than halfway through the second draft, and if I can keep devoting a couple of hours a day to it I should have a completed second draft ready for beta readers in just a couple more weeks. And then I have to find beta readers.
The best part is that I’m still really happy with it. I was a little nervous approaching my first read-through after taking almost two months off from finishing the manuscript, but so far I’m loving it, if I do say so myself. I still think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written, and I’m so excited about getting it polished and out there for you guys to read.
Once it’s released to the betas, I’ll revisit the book cover design and come up with a final version, and get to work publicizing the release date. Then when I get it back from all of the beta readers I’ll do one more pass, editing and formatting as I go. And then it will be ready for release. This time around I plan to do some advance giveaways to help generate buzz. I haven’t worked out all of the logistics of that yet, though. Right now my focus is on simply getting through the second draft. Which, again, is coming along swimmingly.
And here’s hoping I didn’t just jinx it all to heck. ;p
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
The TV season’s halfway over — okay, more than half. I’m a little behind on this — and that means it’s time to see which shows from my start-of-season roundup I’m still watching, which I’ve pulled the plug on, and which mid-season shows have made the lineup.
First, the breakups:
Survivor/The Amazing Race/America’s Next Top Model/The X-Factor
I never thought the day would come, but… reality competition shows just aren’t doing anything for me anymore. I know, right? I can’t believe it, either. But I just COULD NOT do another season with anybody from the Hantz family, or with Coach, or with “I used to be awesome but now I’m a whiny douche” Ozzy, for that matter, and I found myself paying less and less attention. And TAR, while not really irritating me the way Survivor did, just wasn’t holding my attention. The X-Factor also started to feel like a chore to sit through after the first few eliminations. The only reality show I watched all the way to the end of the season was ANTM, and then there was that hinky business with Angelea, and I just don’t have the energy for any more of Tyra’s shenanigans. I’m done.
Glee
I had already reached the point where I was just in it for the singing. I almost dumped it for good after that cracked-out Christmas episode, but then a preview of the Michael Jackson ep pulled me back in; but by the time the Valentine’s Day ep got here I wasn’t even enjoying the singing anymore, certainly not enough to endure Very Special Episode sermons about how my religion should feel about certain issues from Ryan Murphy. I couldn’t even get excited about finally seeing Rachel’s dads even though it was some of the best casting ever. I just didn’t care. Goodbye, Glee.
The New Girl
I only made it four episodes, none of which lived up to the hilarious pilot, before going back to my No Half-hour Comedies rule. Life is too short. Sorry, Zooey Deschanel. I still think you’re adorable.
Chuck
I didn’t break up with Chuck, it broke up with all of us, and broke my heart a little in the process. I will always love you, Chuck.
The New Shows:
Once Upon a Time
Technically not a midseason replacement, but it got a late enough start to not be included in my original round-up. Actually, I didn’t even know about it yet when I wrote my last TV post. But I’m glad I found out, because it’s my favorite new show by far. It’s a fairy-tale soap opera wrapped up in a Lost-style mystery, with a villain who is completely unapologetic and evil (with Jane Espenson’s involvement I suspect it’s no coincidence that the best TV Big Bad since Mayor Wilkins is… another Mayor! Shout-out!), and another villain who seems to possibly be poised for a redemption arc, and you know how I am about those. It’s not my favorite favorite show (yet), but it’s got all of the ingredients for getting there.
Sherlock
Matt and I actually watch this one together. The extremely short seasons are hella frustrating, but my word, is this show good. I always said that Doctor Who had a lot of Sherlock in him and now Sherlock’s got a lot of The Doctor in him. It’s smart, witty, sexy, and a pure fangirl delight. Do not miss this show.
Smash
This is filling the void in the Broadway geek part of my soul quite nicely. It has a great cast, the writing is good, and the musical numbers are making me want them to produce Marilyn the Musical in the real world. And I didn’t start watching AI until David Cook’s season, so I’m not a big fan of Kathryn McPhee (not to say that I don’t like her… I’m just not a big fan), so I keep rooting for Ivy. Who is played by Megan Hilty who is an actual Broadway star and was a Galinda, so how could I not? She’s pretty awesome. You should look up her “Popular” performance on Youtube sometime. Also, Jack Davenport: Rawr.
The River
Paranormal Activity in the Amazon. The execution isn’t perfect, but it has its moments. Besides, it’s only 7 episodes long, so it’s not a huge commitment.
Alcatraz
This is a solid show. I’m not all a-flutter over it yet, but it has a good cast, good writing, and enough intrigue to keep me coming back for more. And this is pretty much exactly how I felt about Fringe during its first season, so yeah, you can bet I’m going to give it plenty of time to find its crazy legs and become another Bad Robot masterpiece.
Speaking of…
Still watching:
Fringe
Oh, Peter.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that, other than that this is still my favorite US-produced show currently on television.
Doctor Who
… and I’m incredibly frustrated that it’s on hiatus until OCTOBER! Why are they torturing us? Why?
Supernatural
Although, the urgency is gone, and I’m several episodes behind. First Cas, then Bobbie, and I love my boys, but I also loved their family that they had built around them, and now they’re all gone. I can’t say I agree with the decision to keep going another season. But I just can’t quit them, either.
But dang it, I really miss Cas.
Castle
This show is as entertaining as ever, and I loves me some Fillion, but seriously, show: you cannot drag this will they/won’t they schtick out another season. Get them together already, or don’t, and make it stick. Sheesh.
Ringer
I’m still loving watching Buffy and Evil Buffy. And I’m impressed that this show has so much that could make it into pure camp, but it never crosses that line. It’s a good show, as nighttime soaps go, and SMG is as delightful as ever. Also, this rule is proven to still be true: if Buffy cries, I cry.
So that’s what I’m watching these days. What shows are you watching?
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
So I’ve had a Tumblr blog for a while now, but I’ve finally started using it for real in order to play along with Unf*** Your Habitat, a surprisingly effective motivational Tumblr for getting off your hinder and making your house look like a gorram grownup lives there for a change.
I’ve only been doing this for two days, and already I’ve conquered the hard water deposits in my toilet bowl (earning an animated Cheering!Buffy from UFYH in the process, squee!), cleaned and organized my bathroom shelves, fixed up Matilda’s habitat, made time for novel editing, and made my bed and scooped out the cat boxes two days in a row. You guys, I even flossed my teeth. Dare I say that this project might just succeed in turning me into a grownup? I might be getting ahead of myself there. But if it succeeds in getting my house clean enough to have company over next week, I’ll take it.
If you’re on Tumblr, by all means please follow me, and I’ll follow you right back. And then together we can Unfrack All The Things!
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
This week is getting away from me. It’s already more than halfway over and I’m just managing to get started. Of course, it’s my own dang fault. After we went to Gingrich’s speech on Monday, we were both tired and feeling a little down about the state of Life, the Universe and Everything, so we ordered pizza for dinner to cheer ourselves up. That led to a pizza, beer & ice cream binge, which led to a night of fitful sleep and insomnia, which led to a Tuesday that turned out to be a sick day as I caught up on sleep and recovered from an unplanned night of gluttony.
Which brings us to today, which was supposed to be a catching up day. But then shortly after I got up this morning Husband asked if we could please go to Target and pick up a handful of non-grocery items that we’ve been needing to get, including, but not limited to, a new floor lamp (necessary thanks to the incandescent bulb ban which means we can no longer buy the extra large three-way bulbs for our antique lamp; yes, they make extra large three-way CFL bulbs, but they all have a standard base, and our lamp has an extra-large socket. So now our beautiful antique lamp is a useless piece of landfill fodder, unless we can find a way to re-wire it. Way to save the planet there, incandescent bulb ban!) and a storage bin that will become a new and less cramped terrarium for Matilda the Turtle.
And of course, after we returned from Target I was rendered about as useless as our old lamp until I’d had a couple of hours to recover from the drain of Going Out Into The World. Which is always what happens whenever we go anywhere for any reason. Yay for introversion!
And tomorrow, Matt wants to spend the day going to Home Depot and stopping by some local businesses that have either crappy or non-existent web sites to say hi and drop off our business card. And then Friday is grocery shopping day. Really, I might as well just give up any plans I had to get anything done online this week that doesn’t involve Netflix or Hulu or staring at Pinterest going “Oooh, pretty!” I certainly haven’t managed to get any editing done.
Anyway, and speaking of getting things done online, before this sudden rush of eagerness to leave the house and interact with people on the part of my beloved, I managed to make some changes to this blog that you might have noticed if you’ve come here to read or comment instead of doing it on Livejournal or in a feed reader. I finally found the time to customize a theme to better coordinate with the rest of my web site, and I think it looks much more professional. I also added a “Shop” section, which is an Amazon store selling both my books and those of all of the indie authors that I’ve featured on this blog. Be sure to check out that section, because as I was adding the books I noticed that some of them are currently free to download. Hooray for free e-books!
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
It will be at least Tuesday before I have time to sit down and write up some real posts for this week, so in the interest of filling this space with some sort of fresh content, here’s my To Do list for the week:
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I’ve been meaning to post this for a while now. I think being transparent with sales numbers is a big help to other indie authors, and to the self-publishing industry as a whole. So without further ado, here is my sales record since I published my first book back in June.
Unless otherwise indicated, these are for e-book copies of Restless Spirits priced at $2.99. You’ll note a few copies of Fragments & Fancies in there — that one’s priced at 99 cents. Also, although it’s been available in trade paperback since July, I have yet to sell any hard copies of Restless Spirits.
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
* It was on sale for 50% off
** I publicized a coupon to get it for free during the month of October
Total Sales (not counting the October giveaway copies): 30
Average monthly sales: 3.75
Clearly, Amazon.com is my biggest market over all, although Barnes & Noble has done better for Fragments. I wonder if that means anything about Nook users having more of a penchant for short story collections. Smashwords hasn’t really been great for sales, but they are really great for generating buzz through sales and giveaways since they make coupon generation so easy.
November was my only month with a total goose egg — that probably has something to do with the fact that I was too busy doing NaNoWriMo to do any active promotion. December sales were also pretty dismal despite my participation in a holiday Kindle giveaway that was meant to draw a lot of attention to me and Restless Spirits for Christmas. Although it did net me a lot of new Twitter and Facebook followers, so that’s something. But if January is any indication, then things are starting to pick back up.
I know those numbers are lacking in the “Wow!” department, but honestly, a steady rate of 3-4 books a month is better than I expected, considering that I’m only offering one novel and what amounts to a chapbook. It will be interesting to see if and by how much things pick up after I release Dominion. I’m planning to do quite a bit of pre-promotion in the run up to its release, which I didn’t do at all for either of my first two books. I’ve already got a little buzz going for it, thanks to including the first two chapters with the free copies of Restless Spirits that I gave away in October.
All in all, I’m pretty pleased with these numbers.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all. For the occasion I wrote a guest post for my friend and fellow Nano-ite, Rebekah Loper. Here’s an excerpt:
I don’t write romance novels. But the stories I write usually contain plenty of romance. My writing feels empty and lifeless without that romantic element. I find that, as both a writer and a reader, and for that matter, as a member of the viewing audience, it’s usually not the MacGuffin driving the plot that I’m invested in, or the hero’s destination, but it’s the relationships between the characters; whether it’s the beauty of a deep friendship that tests the bonds of brotherhood and loyalty, a la Sam and Frodo, or the tension between sworn enemies like Batman and the Joker, or romantic tension that blossoms into full-fledged love between two characters who obviously belong together, I can never seem to get enough.
I guess you could say that I was a born ‘shipper. ‘Shipper, in case you don’t know, is short for “relationshipper,” someone who roots for certain characters in a story to get together and stay together. The first couple I remember ‘shipping with a passion was Han and Leia… or maybe it was Superman and Lois Lane.
You can read the rest at Rebekah’s blog. And if you haven’t read Restless Spirits yet, you can also enter to win a free Kindle copy. Go! Read! Enter! Yay!
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
One reason I wanted to move this blog to WordPress was so that I could have more segmentation, mainly so I could have a whole section devoted to crafts. But then I never got around to sharing any of the stuff I make. But after a badly needed weekend of rest spent mainly kicking back and crocheting while I caught up on all of my TV shows, it’s time to remedy that. So here’s what I made during my weekend of sloth.
Granny Slippers
I had made another pair of these back in October or November, a yellow/gray/pink pair that turned out too big, but still cute. But I wore those out before I got around to taking pictures, so here are my Granny Square Slippers, Take 2.
I was about to give Pinterest the credit for the pattern and inspiration, but I couldn’t find such a pin on my craft board, so I must have found them on Ravelry instead. Sure enough, here’s the pattern.
Ear-flap Hat
I didn’t use a pattern for the hat. I’ve made a few hats as gifts recently, so I had the basic hat pattern memorized, and I improvised the ear-flaps, cords and pom-poms, inspired by this pin. I had a left-over ball of this green and yellow wool yarn in my stash, but it wasn’t quite enough to make an adult-sized hat. I had made a hat and scarf set from this yarn years ago, but I wasn’t totally happy with how they turned out and they’ve been lingering in my closet ever since. So I frogged the other hat (which was rib knit) and used that yarn to add length to the hat, as well as the ear-flaps and cords. I think it turned out really cute. I’ve got plans to frog the scarf as well and re-knit it into a neck-warmer similar to this.
So that’s how I spent my weekend. How was yours?
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
…is not quite what this week turned out to be, although I did make good headway by finishing the first act and getting started on the second. It turned out that I had to devote a big chunk of my week to clearing a big pile of storm debris out of my side yard. I had planned to take care of it once the weather warmed up, but the city said “Nope! Do it now or pay a fine.”
So… maybe next week. No, what am i saying? I don’t mean maybe. I mean Yes! Definitely! Next week I will edit every day! And I will get this book done! Soon! -ish.
-ish because I’ll still have one more pass to do after this one, and that after the beta readers have gotten ahold of it. Which reminds me… I’m going to need some beta readers, so feel free to drop a comment and let me know if you’re interested. But on this, the first pass, I’m mainly focusing on story problems, patching up continuity holes and making sure everything makes sense and is paced well. On the next pass I’ll focus more on the words and spiffying up the writing, and I’ll format it for publication as I go.
As for story problems, I haven’t noticed anything significant yet, but I know it’s not completely issue-free, so it’s just a matter of time. I do, however, think that I’ll only have to do minimal re-writing of the problematic scenes, so that’s encouraging.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that for now, because really, I’m just blathering, because my body is achey and tired from clearing away all those limbs, and my brain is almost as tired from cramming in as much work as possible in between yard work sessions. I, dear readers, am ready to crash. TGIF, indeed.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
It’s time, y’all. As mentioned in my last post, the web site project that was eating my time and patience is done, and the big web site support client I signed last November let their contract expire. That means I’ve got some breathing room, and hence, no more excuses.
And so I hereby proclaim for all to see that, starting Monday (because I’ve already got a jam-packed weekend so it really won’t do to start then… okay, maybe I haven’t really run out of excuses yet. SHUT UP!), I’m going back to the daily routine that I kept for most of last year: devoting the first two hours of my day (after my morning devotional and breakfast, that is) to writing, editing and publishing tasks. NO EXCEPTIONS. And no Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or e-mail or even turning on my phone until my writing time is done.
This routine worked quite well for getting DOMINION written, so it ought to do for getting it edited and published, too. And when I was doing this I still managed to get other work done.
Actually, if I’m being totally honest with myself, for the last couple of weeks I’ve been spending those two hours messing about online instead of doing anything truly productive, anyway. So it’s time to nip that in the bud and start opening Scrivener instead of Facebook when I sit down with my morning coffee.
I expect you to hold me to this, people. If you see me on a social network before at least 1:30 PM Central (and yes, if you do the math you’ll realize that means I generally sleep in until about 9:30 or 10:00. Don’t judge me. That’s one of the perks of being a freelancer), please don’t hesitate to scold me and shame me into logging off and getting to work. Doing whatever the virtual equivalent is of your impression of Donald Sutherland at the end of Body Snatchers ought to do the trick.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
That is what my last post was full of, apparently. I haven’t managed yet to find time for editing Dominion, let alone for blogging here about all the things I said I would be blogging about soon.
My “day job” has been keeping me too busy–which is great, except for the fact that it’s bringing to light the fact that I’m WAY undercharging for my services, which means I’m working my butt off non-stop but not actually making a living from it. That part’s not so great. Which is why I’m using my limited spare time to overhaul my business in the hopes that it will actually turn a profit and keep a roof over our heads. I’m streamlining my services, raising prices to more closely match what my peers are charging, and Matt’s agreed to come on as a partner and take care of sales and marketing. All of which means that I also need to overhaul my business web site, as well as re-brand it. Which is all to say: Busy Jean is busy.
Even so, this weekend I’m determined to crack open Dominion and start editing, and to start carving out at least 30 minutes a day to devote to it starting next week. I also have a lot of pre-marketing plans for it, but again, it comes down to finding the time. As does keeping up this blog, which I do realize is not optional if I want to build and keep an audience. Grr. Arrg.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
Okay, so we finished the series, and I now feel obligated to say that yes, it did get better in the second season. A lot of that was due to the addition of Esai Morales to the cast, and you can’t help but make things better by tossing an Adama–any Adama–into the mix. The writing was still problematic, but that became less noticeable with a shift to more political action and intrigue, less “aw shucks, we’re just a small town fighting our way through a big disaster with a lot of persistence and pluck.” The production values also improved. I can’t think of one instance in season two where Matt paused the show to point out some visual gaffe (other than the fact that this small Kansas town appeared to be a mountain town, but I can get over that; mountains are pretty hard to hide).
With only seven episodes in the second season, it felt more like a mini-series follow-up than an actual season of the show, and it wrapped up enough of the major loose ends to provide a decent amount of closure. Even so, after going several days without, I’m actually starting to feel withdrawal pangs over this weirdly addictive apocalyptic family drama, and since finishing the series I can now understand where the fans who still pine for this show to make a comeback are coming from.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I missed this back when it originally aired on CBS, but since Matt and I have been on a survival show kick lately and we needed something to tide us over while waiting for the second season of Dual Survival to show up on Netflix, we decided to give Jericho a chance. I think I initially avoided it because of its main premise, which is that most of the US is destroyed in a nuclear holocaust. I mean, I still have nightmares from watching The Day After as a kid, and giving too much thought to nuclear war tends to leave me holding myself while I rock back and forth. But I know this show had a rabid fan following, and I have a certain fondness for Skeet Ulrich, and like I said, we’re on a survival kick, and we thought, just maybe this show will have something to teach us.
Well, not so much. You guys, I really wanted this show to be great. I mean, the people who love this show really LOVE this show, and I wanted to love it too. But it’s… I don’t know. It’s like it’s not just the Hollywood version of a plucky small town full of plucky survivors living outside of the fallout zone of a post-nuclear wasteland, but it’s the CBS version of that, you know? And it’s this weird dichotomy of good actors giving straight-faced, heartfelt performances against cheap production values and lazy writing that’s full of plot holes and painfully obvious that the writers and producers couldn’t even be arsed to do a lazy Google/Wikipedia version of research about anything. And while I’m the sort who is normally able to suspend my disbelief fairly easily and overlook things like obvious stunt doubles (for “stunts” like walking out a door?) and palm trees and mountains showing up in Kansas (it’s like they’re not even trying to hide them), Matt is not that sort of person and it pulls him out of the story every time–and then he has to pause it and point out the gaffes to me.
All of that said, I think I do kind of love this show. We’re almost finished with the first season, and I will say that the story–if not necessarily the writing–is getting better. The Touched By An Angel quality has diminished as the town begins to face actual hardship, and the fact that this town in the beginning seems extremely lucky and barely touched by The End Of The World As We Know It actually becomes a plot point. It’s a very character-driven show, and a little soapy, which makes it a little easier to overlook a lot of the implausibilities. It’s frustrating, because this show really could have been excellent if the production staff seemed to care half as much about it as the actors, but there are parts of it that are good, and parts of it that are so bad, and it’s a little bit unintentionally campy, but it’s all entertaining. And as much as we both complain to each other about this show’s problems, we’re still compelled to keep watching it. As much as I have to say that I can see why it was cancelled, I have a feeling I’m going to bemoan its cancellation regardless once I get to the end.
There’s still a hue and cry among this show’s fans for it to be brought back into production. What I would rather see is a remake — even as anti-remake as I usually tend to be — helmed by someone like J. J. Abrams or Joss Whedon or Ronald D. Moore or somebody who cares about making shows good. Regardless of your opinion of the original, tell me that that would not be pure awesome.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
...or, "Where the *@%! Has Jean Been?!"
November was a heck of a month, y'all. As if NaNoWriMo wasn't enough to keep me busy, about a week and a half into that my freelance business started to pick back up, and before I knew it I had more clients and projects than I knew what to do with. Not that I'm complaining. And then I got sick with the creeping crud, that annoying sickness that isn't bad enough to give you a good excuse to curl up in bed and do nothing for a couple of days, but just bad enough to slow you down and make you miserable. I actually went about a week without writing anything for NaNoWriMo, because it was all I could do to keep up with my freelance workload before I ran out of steam and had to go fall into a Nyquil coma to get ready to do it all again the next day.
Which meant that I got to spend the last week of November writing my butt off. I almost didn't bother. I came really close to dropping out of the race after that week I spent not writing. After all, by this point I had already finished my novel, and I still had another 25,000 words to go, and there it was Thanksgiving already. But CreateSpace would be giving the winners five free copies of their novels on top of a free proof, and I kept thinking of all of the promotions I could afford to do with five free paperback copies of Dominion at my disposal, and that was a big enough carrot to get me moving again. So somehow I managed to write another 25,000 words between Thanksgiving and November 30th and pull off a win. Don't ask me how I did it because I don't even know.
And yes, you read that right -- I FINISHED Dominion of the Damned! Now I'm going to take the month of December off to let my brain recover and recharge while my husband and my BFF both give it a first read, then I'll commence revisions in January. Allowing time for beta readers to read the second draft and another pass to fix any issues they come up with and take care of formatting, I'm hoping to have it available by March.
In the last few days since finishing Nano, I've been working on client projects and trying to catch up on sleep. My only big non-work-related goal right now is to clean my house and decorate it for Christmas. And continue catching up on sleep, because I'm not there yet.
How was your November? If you were doing NaNo, did you win? And how was your Thanksgiving?
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I’m starting out the second week of NaNoWriMo about 3,000 words short of where I should be. I was doing great for the first three days, even had a bit of a word cushion built up, but then I decided to take Friday off from writing, since it was already filled to the brim with errands and my weekly Bible study. Of course I just knew I’d make it up over the weekend, but on Saturday I was too determined to catch up on TV as well as writing, and thanks to that I only managed about 900 words that day. Sunday was much better–I went to the first write-in for my area and wrote over 2,200 words while I was there, but that wasn’t enough to catch me up to where I should be. Then on Monday, a combination of adjusting to the time change and some *ahem* female troubles knocked me so far off my game that I just sat there in a haze all day, wondering what I should do and trying to decide if it would be better to just go take a nap, until I finally gave up on either notion and went to watch Netflix with Matt. So I did some math, and if I want to be caught up to 20,000 by this weekend I need to write about 3,000 words a day between now and then. I’ve done 1,142 so far today.
And do you know what isn’t helping? That would be the earthquakes. That’s right, we have earthquakes now, apparently. In Oklahoma. We’ve had three pretty significant quakes in as many days, in a state that until last year there hadn’t been a single quake strong enough to be felt in my lifetime, and until three years ago averaged about three too-minor-to-be-felt quakes a YEAR. And we’ve had about ten times that many just in the last WEEKEND, one of which broke the record for the biggest area quake in known history. So it’s a little hard to concentrate on writing when you’re busy wondering if there’s going to be a BIG ONE and if you should be getting ready for it, or if this is the beginning of those birth pangs Jesus talked about and maybe we should be getting ready to be raptured out of here, or if Oklahoma, land of tornadoes, intense heat and drought, wildfires, grapefruit-sized hail, destructive ice storms, blizzards and now EARTHQUAKES, is done coming up with new and inventive ways to kill us all.
You guys, if the apocalypse happens before I finish this book, I’m gonna be SO MIFFED.
Anyway, I was more concerned about just finishing my novel than I was about my word count, but then I found out that CreateSpace is going to be giving free proofs AND five free paperback copies to the winners. That would mean I could actually afford to do a giveaway promotion for Dominion once it’s published. I want those free paperbacks, y’all. I gotta come up with 50,000 words of SOMETHING by the end of the month.
All righty then, I guess I’d better quit blogging and get to hustling on that word count. Here’s hoping the earth refrains from opening up and swallowing us for a while longer.
Originally published at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo. You can comment here or there.
I feel like this blog is in as much of a holding pattern as I am, just hanging in there waiting for conditions to be right (or at least close enough) for it to become an TTC/Overcoming IF blog, and then hopefully transition into a pregnancy blog and then a mommy blog. But for now it's just kind of... here, like me, and I feel obliged to do an update every now and then so people don't forget this blog is here, even though there's not really that much to update about, because the status quo is boring.
I haven't been feeling that great lately, so I guess that's something different. Since Tuesday I've been fighting fatigue, just wanting to sleep constantly. If it was accompanied by sore boobs I'd be awfully suspicious, but AF showed up this morning, so that cause is definitely out--although there was pretty much no chance it could have been that, anyway. I think PMS and dreary weather were a big part of it, because now that the sun's been out a few days and my hormones are settling back down I'm starting to feel slightly more energetic, although I'm still having a heck of a time dragging myself out of bed in the morning.
I'm sure the fact that I haven't been working out much lately isn't helping. Although I thought that might be the cause on Wednesday, and took advantage of a short break in the clouds to go for a walk in the sunshine hoping that would make me feel better, but all that did was make me feel like puking the rest of the day. I've been taking it easy because my knee has been feeling jacked up, but "taking it easy" was supposed to mean walking instead of running and doing Pilates and other low-impact stuff, and instead it has meant not doing much of anything at all. So I'm going to drag myself out there later today and go for a twenty minute walk and get back into a fitness routine, although I'll go ahead and stick to low-impact stuff until my knee stops threatening to give out. I REEEEEALLY can't afford a knee injury right now.
With all of this, plus craving (and indulging in) all kinds of comfort food during the rainy and chilly weather, I think it's safe to say that I will NOT be down to a size 10 by my birthday. So I guess instead of new jeans I'll just get a nice new belt to hold up my current jeans once they start fitting loosely.
In other news, I have a new design client, but it's a one-project deal, so it won't be steady work. I need to get busy this week trying to round up another client project so we'll be able to pay next month's bills. I also finished the second draft of my next novel, and I'm waiting for my beta readers to finish it and give me feedback so I can do the third and final draft, which is to say that it will be out soon. I need to wait and see the extent of things that need to be fixed before I decide on an official release date, but it should be in the next month or two.
Matt got his camera, finally -- a Canon Rebel, although beyond that I'm not sure of the specifics. He's been practicing with it and studying photography books, and soon he'll be ready to start a photo blog. Hopefully we'll be able to afford for him to take some photography classes this summer. But I'm impressed with a lot of what he's done so far. I think he's got a real talent for it, and he'll be great once he really learns what he's doing.
And that's what's happening in the world of us.
That’s what I weigh right now. Well, it’s what I weighed last week when I remembered to step on the scales and check. It might be a bit lower now. Of course, that’s on my cheap bathroom scales, which typically run about 10 pounds lighter than doctor’s scales; sure enough, last time I was at the pharmacy I stepped on their scales and weighed in at 170.
But this, 160 pounds measured on my bathroom scales, is my wedding weight. At this moment, I could go put on my wedding gown and zip it up and look as good as I did on my wedding day. My BMI is right on the line between “normal” and “overweight” for my height. I haven’t checked my blood sugar in a while—I keep forgetting to do that, but I’ll try to remember to check it this weekend. It’s hard to remember to do it first thing in the morning. I guess I should make myself a note.
I still want to lose 10 more pounds. That will make me officially 160 according to the doctor’s scales, and solidly in the “normal” BMI range, and a size 10, and also the thinnest I’ve been since I was a freshman in high school. It will also leave me a nice, wide margin for error if and when I finally do get pregnant, to gain baby weight without having to worry about what it’s doing to my blood sugar and worrying what that, in turn, is doing to my baby.
But now, this moment, I’m SO much healthier than I was this time last year, both physically and emotionally. I’ve come a long way. Which is not to say that there aren’t still hard times. Just two nights ago I had a mini meltdown over, once again, frustration that our financial situation is forcing us to put our conception plans on hold a while longer. And I have to admit that that frustration’s getting worse the closer we get to my birthday, because I really, really want to have a baby before I turn 40 and, well, tick tock. But over all, I have peace from day to day, and a good feeling that things are falling into line, and that when we do finally have our baby, we’ll be different people than we were the first time I got pregnant, and we’ll be better parents than we would have been to our lost babies. And I still mourn them, and miss them, but I’m not, on a day-to-day basis, just sick with grief and heartbreak the way I was feeling last year. I’m healing, and I’m a lot stronger now, and I’m ready to take on whatever is in store.
Just, y’know, here’s hoping that what’s in store is success for our business followed by a successful pregnancy.
I can't believe how fast this year has flown by. Looking back, I'd have to say that this year was an improvement over the last two. We've managed to go ten whole months without anybody dying, so that's a check in the WIN column right there.
This was a pretty crazy year. It got off to a rocky start, what with losing Matt's mom last December, and then turning right around and losing both his step-dad and their cat that we had taken in in February. As you know if you've been following along, all of the grief and stress from those losses churned up a lot of latent grief over my miscarriages that I still needed to deal with. So I spent the first quarter of the year or so in a pretty deep funk.
But then things turned a corner. I kicked off Project Oven Repair, based on the suspicion that I had PCOS and insulin resistance (a suspicion that was confirmed at my annual check-up in April), and started taking better care of myself with the goal toward eventually trying again to have a baby. Since then I've lost over thirty pounds, lowered my BMI, and dropped my fasting glucose level by ten points. I still want to lose about ten or fifteen more pounds and get my numbers even lower--the holidays certainly didn't help with that--but I'm confident that I'll get there in the new year.
I also got serious about fiction writing as a career and made the monumental (for me) decision to become an indie author. Since then I started my own publishing company, published a well received novel and a short story collection, and wrote a new novel that will hopefully be ready to publish in the next month or two.
As great as those things were, things could have been better financially. My web design and virtual assistant business slowed way, way down, and I went through a long period where I just could not make a sale. It wasn't that dire because we had enough savings to get by, as long as we remained frugal, but we also had to rely a lot on our credit card. Business picked back up in mid-November, but by that point we'd racked up so much debt trying to stay afloat that the sudden rush of income was eaten up by bills before we knew it. Work has remained steady since then, though, and hopefully it will remain that way for long enough to enable us to dig ourselves out from under this mess.
Between the financial strain and the fact of facing yet another childless Christmas, and also the first holiday season without my in-laws, I have to confess that we had both sunk back into a pretty deep funk in the weeks leading up to Christmas. But the holiday itself turned out to be a pleasant, albeit low-key, day, and I think we were both feeling better by the time it arrived. I guess we had gotten all of the grief and self-pity out of our systems by then.
And now here we are, at New Year's Eve. I don't know what 2012 is going to bring. I composed a version of this post in my head back in October, and it ended with a declaration that my one major goal for 2012 was to become a mother. But that was before the full weight of our financial strain had settled on us, and it was also before I started paying attention once again to news and politics and what's going on with our world and our nation. I have to say, I'm feeling less hopeful now than I did then. I'm not one of those Mayan calendar doomsayer types, but nevertheless I'm feeling a lot of trepidation about the coming year, and I just have a feeling that we're in for some difficult times as a nation.
Between that, and our personal financial situation, we're still at a loss as to how to proceed with our TTC plans. My heart wants with every fiber of its being to stop taking birth control and start trying NOW. But my head says that we should wait and see what happens, with my business, with our income, and with the economy in general. Matt's having the same head/heart struggle. So I just don't know what we're going to do.
So for now, my main goal for the new year is for us to do everything we can to better our situation, both so that we'll actually be able to afford a baby, and also so that if the poo does hit the fan we'll be in a better position to weather the storm. And in the mean time, I'll continue Project Oven Repair and get rid of that last fifteen pounds or so, hopefully getting my glucose under 90 in the process.
This post wound up a little too doom-and-gloom to end with a chipper "Happy New Year," but nevertheless, I wish you and yours (and me and mine) a blessed and prosperous and disaster-free 2012.
So it's been a while. I haven't blogged here lately because, well, I just haven't felt like talking about my struggles to get through this time of year. But the truth is that it is something of a struggle, for Matt and I both. Today is the anniversary of my mom-in-law's passing (we think, since we're not sure exactly when she passed away; but it's close enough), so there's that. We miss her, and Rob, and our holiday traditions that revolved around them. This month also marked the second anniversary of my first MC, and the fact that we're still childless is weighing on us and making it really difficult to get in to the Christmas spirit. We trimmed our tree over the weekend, and that was mostly an exercise in tears and grief, as every ornament I hung either reminded me of a loss or of what we don't have.
To make matters worse, although my business has thankfully picked up, we racked up so much credit card debt during the lean months that we're still just treading water. So not only is Christmas shopping extremely limited, but we're also asking ourselves hard questions about whether it's smart or responsible to start TTC in January as we'd been planning to. I really don't know what to do. Where we're at right now, we would qualify for state aid for my medical care if I became pregnant, but we're not really comfortable with that. We don't know how we'd afford it out of pocket, though. I know we should take some time and try to pay off some of our debts before trying to have a baby, but my clock is ticking away and I'm feeling desperate to hurry up and get started, as every year older I get the greater the risks to both me and and any babies I manage to conceive, not to mention the more difficult it becomes to conceive in the first place.
So that's where my headspace is at right now -- a big mix of past grief and an uncertain future, facing the prospect of putting our dream on hold even longer. I'm praying my way through it and doing my best to trust God, but even so it's not helping me to feel very merry or Christmasy. I think the past two Christmases have us both too primed for grief and to expect badness to be able to just relax and enjoy this time of year.
...and that's something to be thankful for.
I totally dropped the ball on my Thanksgiving advent posts, didn't I? It's not that I ran out of things to be thankful for--far from it. One thing I'm over-the-moon grateful about is the fact that my business is picking up. But that's keeping me pretty busy. I've also still been doing NaNoWriMo, although I've fallen about 12,000 words behind where I should be by now, mainly because in addition to being busy with work I've also been sick. Nothing major, just a lingering chest crud with a low-grade fever and a scratchy throat that never wants to become full-fledged sore. Not that I'm complaining about that. It's not bad enough to knock me out of commission, but it is slowing me down and keeping me from having a lot of energy.
But the good news re: NaNo is that I finished Dominion of the Damned! So if I don't make up the word count on another project, it will still be a win in my book.
The other thing keeping me busy and distracted has to do with the earthquakes. Did you know we had earthquakes in Oklahoma? Well, apparently we do now. The fact that they're increasing in both quantity and intensity made us think that it would be a good idea to make sure we're prepared if a major one ever happens here. We also started our winter preps, making sure we have enough food, water and warmth to get us through a major ice storm. And then it all kind of snowballed from there into an obsessive survivalist quest to be fully prepared for The End Of The World As We Know It. Or, zombies. At any rate, that's triggering my obsessive tendencies and taking up a lot of my mental energy these days.
It's not helping (or maybe it is--depends on how you look at it) that we've been watching all these survival shows on Netflix. We've gone through all there is to date of Bear Grylls, Survivorman, Man Woman Wild and Dual Survival, and now I feel pretty certain that if I ever get lost in some God-forsaken wilderness/desert/jungle/frozen wasteland that I'll be able to build a shelter and start a fire and feed and hydrate myself. I think the biggest lesson these shows have taught me is never go anywhere without carrying a lighter, a bottle of water and some gorram Balance Bars--all of which items have recently taken up permanent residence in my purse.
Actually, the biggest lesson these shows have taught me is that as long as you have shelter, water, food and warmth, everything else is gravy. And if on top of those things you also have comfort and security, then you are richly blessed. It's helping me realize that only when you have those things in abundance do you have the luxury of thinking that things like not having the latest gadgets or not having a home that looks like it belongs in Better Homes & Gardens are things to get depressed about.
Matt and I are richly blessed. And today, as every day, I'm grateful for that, and for our health, and the health and safety of our loved ones, and that we've managed to avert major disaster for yet another day.
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
I have this poncho that I picked up at the Salvation Army thrift store a few years ago, right after we moved into our house. It's ugly 1970s burnt orange and dark brown, with fringe, and my husband hates it, but I love it so much. I break it out every year this time of year, and I wear it almost continuously until spring comes and the house gets warm again. It's machine knitted and it hangs down past my knees and covers my arms, and it's pretty much like a wearable afghan. I think I like it better than I would a Snuggy, because it's loose and gives me plenty of freedom of movement. I would be a very sad Jean in the winter months without my poncho, and I'm so thankful for that day I turned around in the Salvation Army store and saw it hanging on an end-cap display and knew I'd found the winter clothing equivalent of my soul mate. I ♥ my poncho.
I wanted to use this space to write each day about something I'm thankful for in the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, but thanks to NaNoWriMo I've fallen behind on everything that doesn't include adding new words to my novel. But better late than never, right? So here are three things:
My two legs. My husband, an amputee, is always telling me I should be grateful that I still have two strong legs, and I am. He usually tells me this when I start to complain that it's too cold to get out there and do my 45-minute walk, or too hot, or that I'm too tired, or whatever I've pulled out of my litany of excuses that day, and I know he's right, so I get out there and walk. And as I walk, I say a prayer of thanks that I'm still able-bodied and healthy, and that my legs are strong enough to carry me.
Related to this, I'm also thankful for my strength, and I don't mean the emotional strength that has been amply tested over the last two years. I come from hardy stock, and the women of my family aren't the sort to stand daintily back and let the men-folk handle all of the heavy lifting. We get in there and git 'er done. I very rarely come across a jar that I need my husband's help to open, and I'm definitely someone you want on your team on moving day. The only caveat to this is that I have a weak lower back, and if I'm not diligent about keeping my core strong, I can really hurt myself trying to move heavy stuff by myself if I'm not careful.
And as long as I'm being thankful for physical attributes, let me add a word of thanks for my hips. Yes, you read that right. Most women, it seems, would love to give up their hips and have the figure of a 12 year old boy like Hollywood tells us is oh so fashionable these days, but I'm grateful for my curves, especially my hips. They serve as extra hands when I'm carrying laundry or groceries, they can open and close doors, and they can knock someone over if I need them to. If the day ever comes for me to give birth, they should make that whole process a little easier, and I look forward to the day when I can rest a child on them. So I really don't mind if all of this leftover Halloween candy I'm failing to resist ends up going straight to my hips.
What are YOU thankful for this month?
For those who like a little unexplained spooky phenomena with their Halloween, I've been posting spooky encounters from my past over at Marzipan Pie Plate Bingo.
Also, today is the last chance to snag your FREE copy of my paranormal fantasy novel, Restless Spirits, on Smashwords. Coupon code FU23M expires at midnight!
Lastly, {hugs} to the IFers in my audience. Halloween is mainly a kids' holiday, and this can be a tough day for those of us who want kids but don't (yet) have them.
I've been feeling run down and blah the last few days. I'm realizing that this happens every month and I'm just now beginning to wonder if it has something to do with my cycle. I really need to educate myself about how all of that works and how to track everything. I never bothered in the past, because GETTING pregnant was never the problem--STAYING pregnant was. But it did take almost 9 months to happen after going off of birth control the first time, and as I inch ever closer to 40 I realize that there are no guarantees, and with my PCOS I really should get to know what's going on with my oven. I want to get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which has been recommended to me often, before we start Project Baby.
I think we've decided to wait until the holidays are over to start that. As slim as the chances are that I'd get pregnant right away if we started before then, after the last two tragedy-filled Christmases I just want to get through one Christmas without either worrying or mourning. I also want to be able to relax and enjoy the holiday food without worrying about every single thing I put in my mouth. So I'm trying to get my weight down to at least 160 before Thanksgiving, and then I'll just focus on maintaining for the rest of the year. Once I go off BC I should still have time to lose another 10 pounds or so while I wait for it to get out of my system. I want it to be low enough that I won't have to worry about pregnancy weight gain pushing my glucose back up into the unhealthy range.
With all of that said, I'm actually really looking forward to the holidays this year, in spite of the sadness that's built into it. I feel extremely hopeful that this will be our last childless holiday season--that by next Christmas, if we don't actually have a baby yet, at least I'll have a healthy bump. So I feel like, if fate allows, we should do our best to relax and enjoy what could possibly--God willing--be the last holiday season where it's just the two of us and our furbabies.
Three cheers for optimism!
I haven't checked in with my 2011 goals in quite a while, but lately I've been all about goal 9: Getting Our House In Order. Matt and I spent the weekend before last cleaning and rearranging our living room, FINALLY finding permanent homes for the furniture we inherited from his mom and making it look a lot more orderly in here. And I can't even tell you what a huge relief it is not to have to navigate around that huge sofa (and all of the clutter that formed up on and around it) every time we walk through the room.
I didn't bother taking before & after pictures, partly because the before embarrassed me so much (it was pretty bad), but also because we still have all of the old hand-me-down and pre-fab furniture left over from our twenties. So nothing exciting happened decor wise (other than putting out some fall and Halloween decorations); we just made better use of our space. But even though Better Homes & Gardens won't be knocking on our door to do a photo shoot any time soon, the living room looks so much better than it did, and it's so much more comfortable and homey. We're actually hanging out in here instead of spending all of our time in the back of the house. And I'm thrilled that there's actually enough floor space for me to do workout DVDs when the weather turns too cold to keep up my walking routine.
Apart from that, I've been spending most of my time over the last week and a half cleaning and rearranging my office. I'll go into more detail about that over at my other blog, but I'll say here that I can't believe what a huge undertaking that turned out to be. I'm trying to get rid of about half of what's crammed in there, but right now "getting rid of stuff" means moving it to the garage until I have time to haul it off to the recycling place/the Salvation Army/the used book store/eBay/whatever, and I'm running into the problem that our garage is already filled nearly to the brim with my late in-laws' things, and I'm quickly running out of temporary storage. So one of my big goals for next year will definitely be to clean out our garage and deal with all of the stuff we had to bring over from their apartment. Also, to finally buy a ladder so we can access our attic, which I totally forgot we even had until the other day when my mom asked why we don't put some of their stuff up there. But the cord on the pull-down door/ladder thing is missing, and without a ladder, we might as well not have an attic.
Yes, we've been here three years now, and we're still getting used to actually living in our very own house. By the way, we also have a shed, but the doors don't close, so we don't keep stuff in there, either. Fixing that might also be on next year's goal list.
Meanwhile, I'll keep working on my office and being mystified at how two people can barely cram all of their crap into a three-bedroom house. As it stands I have no idea where we'll put a baby if we actually manage to have one.
Here's some good news: I decided to test my blood glucose levels today for the first time since June, and there is definite improvement. Back then, my fasting glucose level was 102 when I tested it in the morning before breakfast--that's in the range for insulin resistance/metabolic syndrome. When I tested it before breakfast this morning, it was 93--down nine points and NORMAL!
I've lost about ten pounds in between the two tests, and while it's tempting to be a little discouraged that I've only lost ten pounds since June, I did take that month-long break from the diet, during which I actually gained a few pounds. So this is actually great progress, and the important thing is that the numbers are all moving in the right direction.
I'm feeling really positive about what this means for my chances of a healthy pregnancy, although I'll be more comfortable if I can get my fasting glucose level under 90 before we start trying again. I also need to lose 5-10 more pounds before the height/weight charts stop telling me I'm overweight. More importantly, I need to lose about three more inches of belly fat before I'm fully out of the "at risk" range.
I'm really glad I decided to test and measure everything today, too. I've been feeling really discouraged about all of this lately, and this is just the encouragement and motivation I need to keep going.
I'm almost there, y'all.
PS for those of you who also need to watch the glycemic index of the foods you eat - I've got a Low GI Recipes pinboard on Pinterest. Some of the recipes are already there and some of them look like they just need a bit of tweaking to get there. I'm planning to start experimenting with low GI baking once the weather finally cools down enough to start using our oven.
I'm having a rough time of it this cycle. My PMS is out of control and my mood keeps swinging all over the place. I go from being perfectly calm and content in one minute to feeling sad and like nobody cares about me in the next, and I'm in a state of constant irritation at my husband. Most of these feelings are completely irrational, but some aren't--I do have reasons to feel sad, and I think it's probably healthier to acknowledge them than to shrug them off and chalk it all up to wacky hormones.
It's frustrating because this is my favorite time of year. I love fall, I love the weather we're having right now, I love pumpkin season and I'm eating and drinking pumpkin-flavored everything and loving that, too. I also love Halloween, although it's definitely one of those holidays that are more fun with kids than without, especially when you're beyond the partying stage (although I don't think I ever really had much of a partying stage). Even so, it's always been my favorite holiday, even more than Christmas, because for me it's all about fun and nostalgia for the good things about my childhood.
I was thinking to myself the other day that I love Halloween so much because it's not tinged with sadness and loneliness the way Christmas often is. But then I remembered that Emma's due date fell around Halloween of last year, and I realized that if I'd had her we'd most likely be planning her (or his--again, it was way too early to tell; I just have this feeling it was a girl) first birthday party as well as her first trick-or-treat outing. So there's that.
We're also right around the corner from having to face the first full set of holidays without Matt's parents. I keep thinking about last Thanksgiving, how that was the last time we got to be with both of them outside of a hospital, how happy and thankful we all were that Rob got released from his hospital stay in time to come home for Thanksgiving, and how none of us had any idea that in just a few weeks, Mom would be gone, and so would Rob just a couple of months later.
So this season is bittersweet. I'm trying to focus on the sweetness, but my hormones keep dredging up the bitterness. I want to curl up with a blanket and watch sad movies and eat all the chocolate, but instead I'm making myself stay busy (I opened up a new Etsy shop for all of the knitting and crocheting I've been doing lately) and stick to my diet and workout plan, and that's helping. I'm also praying a lot, which also helps. And every now and then I let myself have a good cry, and a little chocolate, and I remind myself that I just need to hang in there, because this cycle is almost over and then my thought patterns and coping abilities will be back to normal, at least for a week or two, and then my husband can stop sleeping with one eye open.
Driven by a burning need to spend more than an hour or two outside of the house, enjoy the fabulous fall weather and show Pete that the truck goes other places besides the vet's office, on Saturday we packed a picnic lunch and headed to Sequoyah State Park on Fort Gibson Lake, where we really should go more than once a year, seeing as how it's only about a 50 minute drive.
We ate lunch by the lake, we hiked around the nature reserve, we saw cute animals being cute, and overall we had a lovely, stress-free day. We also took a lot of pictures, and here are the highlights (click to embiggen).
This has been one of those weeks where everything just feels off, no doubt because I've had insomnia for about three nights in a row. Funny how sleep deprivation makes you feel off-kilter and like everything is hard, isn't it? Last night I finally got a decent night's sleep, after taking some Benadryl, so I'm feeling much better today, albeit still a bit draggy and like I need one more night of really great sleep to catch up and feel normal again.
This week is making me glad I decided not to totally eliminate coffee from Project: Oven Repair (Take Two).
Speaking of the diet reboot, it's going well. Avoiding bread hasn't been the struggle I thought it would be (although I did break down and have half a bagel and some crackers at various points yesterday, because I was too tired to cook vegetables), and I've been eating more of a variety and actually enjoying my food.
I decided to lay off of the scales for a while, and just gauge my progress by how well I feel and how my clothes are fitting. I was feeling pretty great until the insomnia kicked in (accompanied, of course, by really bad hay fever), and yesterday I reached a new progress benchmark: my size 12 jeans fit for the first time in at least four years. I still need to lose about a half-inch or so before they're really comfortable, but they're definitely wearable.
Unfortunately, the insomnia also raised a speed bump in my daily exercise routine, and for the past couple of days I've been too busy/distracted/tired to bother. I figure two days isn't really a habit-killer, and if I can make myself go for my 45-minute walk today, I'll be fine. Which I'm going to do right after I finish this post.
We're tentatively planning a visit to the nearest state park this weekend, to have a picnic and walk the nature trails. I was really hoping we'd have our new camera by then, but Matt's still trying to decide which fancy lens to invest in, so it doesn't look like we will. But at least this time I'll be sure to take our 5MP point-and-shoot, so we won't be relegated to our cell phone cameras if we see something cool, like we were last time.
All righty. Time to get off this couch and go move.
...And just as I was previewing this post and about to hit Publish, we heard sirens cut off right in front of our house, and shouting and "Put your hands up!" and we looked outside to see two cops with their guns pointed at this guy who was backing slowly toward them with his hands in the air. Now they've got him cuffed and they're out there patting him down and searching his car. I guess my walk's on hold until COPS: Live On Location In Our Front Yard is over and they take the criminal away.
First, a housekeeping note: I moved my writing blog to http://blog.jeanmariebauhaus.com/ (but it will continue to be mirrored on LiveJournal) and am in the process of expanding it from a "writing" blog to an "all my creative pursuits plus stuff that makes me happy" blog. Just so ya know.
This past Saturday was my niece-in-law's baby shower. It was the first such shower that I've been to since before my first miscarriage, so I was just a tad nervous about how I'd be able to handle it. But I'll tell you, six months ago, when all of my RPL-related grief resurfaced in the wake of my in-laws' passing, I would not even have been able to contemplate picking out a baby gift, not to mention making one and actually going to the shower to give it to her in person. But as the time approached, I began to feel a lot of peace about the whole thing. I even got excited about crocheting a baby blanket for my new grandneice-to-be.
| The blanket: one giant granny square |
It happens every Saturday. Toward the end of the week, I build up a big mental list of everything I'm going to get done with all of my copious free time over the weekend. I plan to be a weekend warrior and conquer housework and yard work and craft projects and a massive word count on my novel-in-progress, and all the other stuff I tell myself I don't have time for during the week. I go to bed on Friday night with that To Do list swimming in my head, and I wake up in the morning rarin' to go.
And then I sit down to work on my novel and realize that I'm actually quite exhausted and all I really want to do is sit there and catch up on my shows and my reading. Which I then proceed to do, for the entire day, all the while beating myself up about it.
I've been dealing a lot lately with discouragement and anxiety. Ever since the economy went kerplooey (again... or would that be "kerplooeyer"?) over the summer, my freelance business has slowed way, way down, and since my last regular client was forced to "take a break" from working with me, I've been running around like a frantic chicken, putting irons in the fire and digging ditches to lay the groundwork for income streams, and nothing seems to be panning out. I seem to have it in my head that if I can just stay in motion and prove (to who? I don't even know) what a hard worker I am, eventually it will all pay off and I'll be rewarded for my efforts. But it feels like nothing I do succeeds, and all my hard work is for naught.
I'm also struggling with envy and coveting. I look around and see people with the same talents and skills that I have who are enjoying great success and reaping the fruits of their labor, and I can't help but wonder, what am I missing? What am I doing wrong? What am I not doing enough of?
And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:19
With anniversary celebrations out of the way, today is the day I get Project: Oven Repair back on the rails. When I said a couple of weeks ago that I was taking a break from said project to protect my sanity, I mentioned that I was considering trying the Paleo Diet when I was ready to resume P:OR. If you don't know what the Paleo diet is, it's basically the way humans are believed to have eaten prior to the advent of agriculture, and involves foods that can, in theory, be either hunted or gathered, even though these days most folks do their hunting and gathering at the supermarket. In short, the rules pretty much boil down to, "Eat like a caveman."
And now I have "Captain... CAAAAAVE maaaaaaaaaaaan!" running through my head. If you recognize that then congratulations! You're old like me. And now it's stuck in your head, too.
You're welcome.
But back to the diet. At first glance, the Paleo diet sounds like it might be a good idea for battling PCOS. It's low-glycemic, and gluten-free to boot. There's even a variation called Paleo Zone, a mash-up of the Paleo diet and my current eating plan of choice, the Zone diet, which involves eating Paleo-approved foods in Zone-approved proportions. Sounds good!
Except, did you know that dairy products are considered "agriculture"? Apparently, cave men didn't milk livestock and turn said milk into delicious things like cheese or yogurt. Also, peanuts, along with other legumes, are an agricultural product, since they have to be planted and nurtured and grown and harvested, and can't simply be found on trees like actual nuts, and are hence verboten.
So, let's see: on the Paleo diet, I would not be allowed to eat cheese. Or yogurt. Or peanut butter.
To which I say: Pale-NO!
I could give up yogurt, I suppose, if I had to. I could even see myself conceivably going for a while without cheese if I must. But peanut butter? Only if you pry it from my cold, dead, Smucker's-coated fingers.
So clearly, the Paleo diet is not for me. Moving on, I also considered trying the first phase of South Beach. From what I understood of the South Beach diet, it's basically a rip-off of very similar to the Zone, the primary difference being that South Beach is marketed as a weight-loss diet, while the Zone is touted as more of a nutrition plan for combating chronic illnesses. The other difference is that the South Beach plan involves "phases" -- a super-strict Phase One and a semi-strict Phase Two that lead you to the pretty-much-identical-to-the-Zone Phase Three; the idea being that the first two phases kill your sugar and carb cravings and stimulate weight-loss.
A more strict version of the Zone sounded like exactly what I needed. But after doing a little more research, I realized that Phase One of South Beach is, essentially, the Atkin's diet. And I've had my experiences with the Atkin's diet, and they were not pleasant.
So here's a thought, Jean: why not just stick with the Zone diet, but be more strict with yourself about limiting non-favorable carbs?
Huh. It's so simple, I wonder why I didn't think of that myself.
So starting today I'm back in the Zone, but I'm planning to go at least a week (and to try for two) without any bread or grains (except for steel cut oats, which are low-glycemic and too nutritious to give up completely). And of course I'm also putting the kibosh on sugar (again). I think the reason I kept plateauing last time and couldn't break that 165 lb. barrier was because I was eating way too much bread. Although I had cut down on it and was sticking to whole grain varieties, it's not the best choice for controlling blood sugar, and I was eating a lot of sandwiches and breakfast toast, basically depending too much on bread to round out my daily carb allotment.
Of course, this was partly because bread is so cheap. In preparation for a week of eating sans bread, I stocked up on plenty of fresh produce, and I'll just say that I'm thankful neither Matt's nor my eyes popped out of our heads or permanently froze in the size of saucers once we saw the total at the checkout counter.
Because of this, I'll probably be gradually working sandwiches back into the meal rotation after this initial week to help get all of the bad carbs out of my system. But from now on I'll be opting for lower-glycemic varieties like rye and pumpernickel, and I'll probably be limiting it to the weekends.
So here's the plan:
In honor of PCOS Awareness Month, here's a free printable for all of your task and shopping list needs:
I've decided to finally learn the rules for print design and try my hand at designing letterhead and stationery. If I get good at it, the plan is to add a Print & Paper section to my Etsy shop; but until then, I need to practice, and that means freebies!
Here's my first go: a notepad inspired by the coming season and my new blog design.